"Puke. There's a funny word...

Can I use that?" Well, I made it from Wednesday all the way until Sunday before letting the nausea get to me. I feel a little bit better now that I released it all. Ugh. The hardest part, for me, is brushing my teeth. Sometimes the toothbrush hits a certain part of my tongue and everything is triggered. There is no stopping it once it starts. Well, all for now. I'm off to re-film a segment of a short film I did months ago. Can't rest on my vomit, right?

Almost through one round...

I'm about an hour away from having my chemo bag unhooked. So far, so good. I have not vomited at all and no diarrhea. The only things to happen so far are: weird muscle spasms, hiccups (only for minutes, not days this time), and some bad tastes in my mouth that require immediate candy or gum.

I have been napping a lot, but that also could be from having a stupid chemo bag attached to me. It doesn't make you want to get out and do stuff. But, speaking of getting out and doing stuff...I'm about to head to the hospital to disconnect this and then I'm off to PLAY in my softball game!

I don't have a theme tonight...

Most of my blogs have a theme. Maybe I'm not thinking straight. I've done a great job the past two weeks blocking out what is about to happen. I really haven't spent much time at all thinking about it. Sure, I did the preliminary stuff...getting my prescriptions, grocery shopping for "bomb shelter food" (canned/boxed goods), and lining up my network of friends to spend time with. But, for the most part, I did what made me happy.

Between the time I returned from neck surgery and the start of chemo, I pitched five games of softball and won all five. (It wasn't the best competition, but on the other hand, the opponents haven't gone through what I have the past two years.)

I'm anxious to get this thing underway and become closer to being done. I just hope the side effects are tolerable. Ugh. I plan to lift weights, continue to play softball, work (I have to or I might not get paid...but that will be another blog.) and also do things with people (which I didn't do too much of last time.

There will be three treatments between now and 7 August. The goal is to stay healthy and active during that time. After that, I have a tournament to win...

Chemo Theme Song...

Say what you want about the artist, but the lyrics are pretty good for me right now:

http://www.mtv.com/videos/miley-cyrus/348983/the-climb.jhtml

I can almost see it
That dream I am dreaming
But there's a voice inside my head saying
"You'll never reach it"

Every step I'm taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking

But I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But no, I'm not breaking

I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep going

And I, I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on

'Cause there's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!

Colondar -- Day 4

I awoke on the last day of the Colondar shoot, but instead of showering and packing right away, I headed over to spend some time with the first wave of people due to depart for the airport. I discovered that Dom and David never slept. They stayed up all night and went for a kayak ride early in the morning. That was a pretty cool idea. The dinning room table that was constantly covered with food, still had food on it, but it wasn't the same. What once was freshly made lasagna, fajitas, or BBQ was now lonely packets of Frito-Lay snacks that most had ignored the previous days.

The morning was really calm. There was a sadness mixed with a happiness. I guess the combination of those two produce a calm. Everyone was scheduled to depart Lake George in waves to the airport. I took a stroll around the house. I walked into the living room where we all gathered the first night to get acquainted and play games. It was also the same room we gathered to hear Kathy's story, see our slide presentation, and tell our favorite moments. There was no laughter, talking, or video in the room, now...just memories.

The quiet ended quickly as Molly started a round-up in a frenzy! "Okay, everyone who is leaving first, sit down and sign this pile of thank you notes. Do NOT get out of order, so help me!" (I'm paraphrasing.) Cards were passed around for everyone who helped throughout the weekend. They were for the people who gave us the run of their homes, photographers, editors, chefs, little helpers, elves, fairies, etc...

The clock moved quickly and it was time for the first carpool to drive to the airport. Everyone gathered outside of the garage that was used for the photo shoot. Now, there was no more photography equipment or computers. It was only a home for the recycling bins.

Krista was driving the first car filled with Trish, Jill, Joe, David, and Dom. It was sad to watch everyone step into the van. We knew we wouldn't be seeing them for a while and it was so much fun to have them around! Simon jumped on the hood of the car, face down and spread eagle. He did it in jest, but we all wanted to do it for real and make the goodbyes not have to happen. The car went up the driveway, leaving behind a bunch of waving people. That was hard and that was only the first set of goodbyes. Being in the last group to depart, I'd have to do this a couple more times.

There was a little bit of time between trips, so I grabbed a shower and packed. This next round was Andrew driving Eve, Candace and Lori. Greaaaat... another set of goodbyes. One of the goodbyes that stands out to me was one I shared with Lori. She had told us the story of the extremely hard time she had being diagnosed at age 16 and being treated like an outcast by her friends. So, when I hugged her, I said, "I wish I could have given you this hug when you were 16." I think I almost made her cry. I didn't mean to...honest!

Now all that remained were my carload and the organizers who were sticking around for another day. This wasn't planned, but all the stage IV survivors were still there. Below you'll find a photo of Todd, Erika, Heidi and me each showing how many years in remission we were. I say "were" because now I have to start over. I'll never catch them, but I'm going to compete because I don't like to lose!

Finally, it was "that" time. I had to get in my car and secure my neck brace (remember that thing?) Todd and Tammy drove Eric, Heidi and me. There was constant chatter the whole ride. I dosed off for part of it. When I woke up, we were back in cell phone range and I checked my messages. I had a text from a friend who had just done a colonoscopy and it was clean as a whistle. I thought it appropriate to share that news with the car.

Once at the airport, we said goodbye to Todd and Tammy. Heidi's flight was first, so I sat at her gate with her and chatted. The boarding call came and I waited around until I could no longer see her going down the tunnel to the airplane. I walked over to Eric's gate and he wasn't there. Was his flight earlier than I had thought? I was bummed...I didn't get to say so long to him. I went to the airport sports bar and as luck would have it, Eric was there watching baseball. I hadn't missed him! He told me that he had already given away a 2009 Colondar that Molly stocked us all with before she let us leave Lake George. (Me? I was a little hesitant to hand out anything in an airport because I once had a flight delayed because someone handed out fliers. You know...the whole, "did you accept anything from someone unknown to you?")

I had a little food with Eric and then walked him to his gate. His plane boarded and there I was...at the airport alone. The last one to leave. I had a pit in my stomach. Guess what came next? If you don't know, you haven't been following my blogs. The four-day Colondar shoot was over. We all had new friends, but we would never have that same type of experience again. It was once in a lifetime. And I want other survivors to have this experience, too. So, when I advertise the Colondar in September, please help by buying one (or 30)!

Colondar -- Day 3 (second half)

Sorry for the delay in telling the story of the Colondar shoot weekend, but I had some other stuff on my mind lately. ("Jeepers, Wally," I wonder what that was.)

After dinner and the activities on the porch, we settled in the living room for a video presentation by Troy. Since everyone was gathered in one place, it was the perfect chance for Andrew to play the song I suggested and he learned earlier that day. I introduced it. "There is a song by the band, Wideawake, for the Livestrong Foundation that I thought it was appropriate for us. This is Andrew's version..." I know at least one person was crying during the song. Strangely, I was not. Go figure.

The original song can be found here:

http://www.livestrong.org/site/c.khLXK1PxHmF/b.2662157/k.BC61/Maybe_Tonight_Maybe_Tomorrow.htm

The encore to the song was Troy's presentation on the computer. He had taken photos from each of our shoots and set them to music. Each person had a head shot and a shot that might be the one used in the Colondar. After that round of pics, we got a good laugh from other photos that showed each of us in a funny manner (complete with a humorous saying.) The music in the show could not have been more appropriate. It was a song by Nickel Creek ("When you Come Back Down") and the lyrics start with:

You gotta leave me now.
You gotta go alone.
You gotta chase a dream...
One that's all your own.

The song can be found here: http://video.aol.com/video-detail/nickel-creek-when-you-come-back-down/3840782686

The presentation played in a continuous loop. Most of us watched it over and over...either because we we in awe of how good the photos turned out of us "non-models suddenly become models" or we wanted the shoot to start all over because we didn't want it to end. I am sad just thinking about that time and knowing we had to leave each other the next day.

As the neighbors dwindled out of the house, we were left with the models and crew all sitting around. Everyone took turns telling their favorite part of their time at Lake George, NY. I went second. "I'm not sure if this is my favorite part, but it sticks out in my mind. The first day, you were all so happy that we have some stage IV survivors here that are approaching 10 years of survival. It made me think that it's not as common as I had thought. So, during the first day, I doubt anyone noticed, but I was a little depressed. The next day, I was talking with David and he said that his stage IV friend who passed away had a look that he wasn't going to make it and that I didn't have that look. I never want to have that look." As I said that, David was standing beside me and as he went to hug me, I knocked his beer out of his hand and all over Jill and the floor. Smooth. Some of the favorite moments that everyone else shared have been covered throughout my coverage of the photo shoot, so I won't repeat.

The mood was about to be lightened as we were all told to wait in the living and not leave the house. Molly, Hannah, Sara, and Krista locked themselves in a room while scheming something. I think we waited four weeks for them to come out that night, but it was worth it. The lights dimmed and we were all treated to a skit show. They reviewed the exciting parts of the weekend by making fun of everyone. In my scene, Molly had gauze taped to her neck because of my recent neck surgery. The scene that stands out to me was one re-enacting Molly carrying around her baby in the "front bib holder" (I'm not sure what it's called, but that's what us single guys with no kids call it.) Instead of carrying a baby with a bottle, she literally put Simon in it and carried him drinking a beer. Wow. Great show!

As the last of the chocolate fondu was being licked off of Lori's and Jill's faces, people started heading back to their rooms to pack and get some sleep. The adventure would end the next day.

Colondar Models...

One of the models has a blog of her own. She posted headshots of all of us. So, if you want to see better shots of "these people" I've been talking about...

http://eveonmymind.blogspot.com/2009/06/colondar-weekend.html

On the page:

Eve (MA) and Trish (MI)
Me (VA) and Lori (AR)
Joe (IL) and Jill (NJ) -- almost like Jack and Jill, but slightly different
Heidi (FL) and Eric (MN)
Dom (CA) and David (IA)
Candace (IL) and Andrew (NY)