Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Pain in the neck...

The MRI showed a herniated disc in my neck. I was told to stop sports/weights/running for 6 weeks as I undergo physical therapy. I started the therapy 3 days ago.

You know what sucks? I went to the gym just now. Yeah, yeah...I'm not supposed to, but I am so f'ing pissed off I can't stand it. I'm constantly in pain...I'm more and more tired every day from inactivity...

I laid on the bench press tonight to warm up with the bar (45 lbs) and I couldn't get my right arm to push upward. My muscles aren't getting the signals from my brain because the nerves are pinched. It took all I had to put the bar back on the rack. I went from 200 lbs on the bench press five weeks ago to less than 45 lbs today.

Five weeks ago I was in the best shape of my life. Since then, I've lost 8 lbs, my muscles have atrophied, and I've got a gut, now. This will look just great for a calendar. I don't even want to go to the photo shoot, now.

Cancer? Hell, that was nothing.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

If it's not one thing...

On Saturday, April 4th, I woke up early to go run with my cancer group. I could not move my neck at all. The night before I didn't even exercise. I called my running coach and said I couldn't make it to the run (or to the next room in the house, for that matter.) I kinda worked out the kinks and got enough motion to function. But it hurt like heck. For the next several days, it was much of the same. I had to resort to taking narcotics (left over from my cancer surgeries) to sleep at night.

Finally, I went to an orthopedic surgeon. She prescribed steroids and muscle relaxants. That led to me feeling sick the whole week. Weird...I can put chemo drugs in me and I don't feel as bad as I did on steroids. I wasn't certain what the drugs were supposed to be doing, but they did take away the pain. That was because my entire right arm/hand was now numb. That was fun. "Pins and needles" in my fingers.

Wednesday of that week was my first softball game of the season. I had thought about this game all winter long. Every time I dragged my tired self out of the house to get to the gym, it was because of returning to playing softball and being better than ever. The schedule was announced and this first game was against our rival, Penn State. So, what happened at the game? Was I better than ever? Well...

My first practice pitch literally went 20 feet to the right. What the? The next was just as bad. I couldn't control my arm. During the hour before the game, I re-learned how to pitch with my new muscle memory. Ugh. Surprisingly, I didn't walk any batters during the game. However, I did throw some meatballs I ordinarily would not have thrown. It was upsetting. At the plate, I moved back up to batting 2nd in the lineup because I was now "better." The first pitch...swing and a miss! Again...what the?? I couldn't remember swinging and missing in a decade or so. I could not make my arm go where I wanted it to go. Talk about a strange feeling. I now was a nonathletic person with no eye/hand coordination. Not the result I was looking for by going to the gym all the time!

It gets worse. A ball came back to me and I went to catch it with my bare hand. My one finger went it's own way and wham...I jammed it. The entire finger is still purple. But, don't worrry...it doesn't hurt thanks to the numb arm! Later, I wanted to clap for a teammate and I missed my hands! Who does that? I tried a sobriety test and couldn't touch my nose. I was a mess.

So, here we are. Tomorrow I have an MRI on my neck to see what the discs are doing. It could mean surgery. Greaaaaaat. Another surgery. I thought I was done. I do not want to miss another entire softball season. :-(

Busy, busy bee...

Well, I'm in my fourth week of working full-time. Sorry, i haven't updated the blog recently, but working full-time takes up so much time. Last year, all I had to worry about was taking my pills before I got the urge to vomit or making it to the sink when I didn't get the pills in time. Now, there is a need to set aside time for grocery shopping, laundry, etc. It's tough to fit it all in! I haven't been too tired at work. Naps are a thing of the past (except on weekends!)

Since I returned to full-time, I ended my leave donation program at work. It is good to be back, but I still have doctor appointments to get to. So, I end up taking leave without pay. That's not great, but what can you do? To make matters worse, check out my next blog!