Let's face it...

Okay, so I don't startle anyone when you see me in person. Here is the beginning of my rash. It will probably get worse...

Re-cap of round one of chemo...

Well, tomorrow is round two of chemo, so let's see what's happened during the two weeks:

The first day in the hospital was LONG. That was Wednesday and I was there from 7:30am until 5:30pm. Ugh. That first evening I had a special visitor...one of the Colondar models (Joe) was in town from Illinois. That was pretty cool to have someone over to the house to talk with who has been in my shoes. He said that I looked "great" for the first day of chemo. The next day, I had a friend stay with me all day to make sure I didn't have any super-fun (i.e. strange) reactions to the drugs. I was fine, but I mostly slept while she watched tv. It was just nice to have people there. That night, I went to watch my softball game and keep score. I even went out for food afterwards.

On Friday, I reported to the hospital to have my IV disconnected at 3:30pm. By 6:30pm, I was at the softball field ready to play. I only played about half the game. Afterwards, I was extremely jittery. So much so, that I had to go home and take some nerve pills. Of course, sitting still at the hospital that afternoon, my pulse was over 100. So, I don't know what it got up to playing softball.

On Saturday, I did my "flu shot." It's actually a shot to boost my white blood counts. But it actually GIVES me flu-like symptoms for a couple of days, so I call it my "flu shot." Isn't that just more fun than a sack of monkeys? (Shut up...you've never seen a barrel of monkeys, either, and it's my blog, so I'm saying sack.)

On Sunday, I had another visit with another special visitor. I went to lunch with a girl who was in the Colondar this current year (Trish). It was great to meet another local person who's been in my situation. The bad part about lunch was that mouth sores had begun, so it was hard to eat anything. Also, I was SO tired. I couldn't keep my eyes open. I got home and my cousin was watching golf. Perfect! I was asleep within seconds!

Monday, I got up at 6:15am and was at work by 7:30am. My co-workers commented that my eyes were half-way shut. I have no idea how I drove to work. I probably used the Force. By noon, I was "awake" and strong as a wookie. (Okay, maybe just an Ewok)

The rest of the time between treatments involved going to work six out of ten days in the pay-period and having mouth sores for about a week. I think I lost a few lbs because I couldn't eat. So, when my mouth is good, I have stuff in the food to gain it back before the sores return. I played in five more softball games (winning 3, losing 1, and 1 no-decision). And the rash...well, it's getting pretty bad. That is now the worst part of chemo for me. I only threw up once and the diarrhea was non-existent. But the rash is ugly and painful (and itchy). "Ever have a white-head on your eyeball?!?!?" (Know that movie?) No hair-loss yet...that comes with this next treatment. Happy-happy Joy-joy!!! Stay tuned...

For good measure...

Why does my hospital measure my height in inches and my weight in kilograms? I have chemo brain, so it's hard enough trying to remember if I live in the United States or Europe!

Pink socks...

After my last blog, I thought I'd follow-up with a light-hearted one. At my softball game tonight, the other pitcher was wearing pink socks. Our catcher asked him why. He said that one of their teammates was on chemo and it was in support. Our catcher thought, "What a coincidence. One of our teammates is on chemo, too." And, by the way, he's the one who just beat your team.

I can joke because I talked to him after the game and his teammate had breast cancer, but she is off chemo and has no evidence of disease. :-)

Have you seen the movie...

..."White Men Can't Jump?" Billy said to Sydney, "You would rather look good and lose than look bad and win."

I have always kept this quote in mind when I was diving for balls and coming off the field bloody and sweaty. Now, it's time for me to translate this mentality to off the playing field.

You see, my new drug (Erbitux) comes with a lovely little side-effect in 87% of the patients. That side-effect is a rash on the face/neck/scalp/torso/back. It looks exactly like acne, but it's not. Acne treatments make it worse. And a bonus is that it's painful! My back is now covered in sore, pus-filled bumps and yesterday it started to appear on my face. It's not too bad there...yet.

Have you ever had one of those pimples right on the edge of your lip where the skin starts? Those hurt like a mother... Well, I have about a half-dozen, now. My nose feels like it does when I have a cold and have been blowing it a lot and the skin is rubbed raw and cracking. My forehead is starting to feel like my nose.

I looked up some photos of cases online. Do yourself a favor and do not do that. In the articles, people were talking about how they worked night-shift so no one would see them. Trust me, some cases are worse than any acne you can imagine.

But, here is where my quote comes in... Studies have shown that the more your skin reacts to the chemo, the more it works against the cancer. So, I'd rather "look bad and win." (I just have to keep telling myself that.)

Another fun quote...this time from Seinfeld... Kramer had taken up smoking and experienced a lifetime of smoking in 72 hours:

"Look away. I'm hideous!"

Talked to my oncologist liver surgeon...

My doc from Hopkins gave me a call today to talk about my recent CT scan and my plan for treatments. He agrees with the course of action, so I'm pleased with that. He said that the new drug, Erbitux, has shown good results. (Although, there is a damn pimply-rash on my face that comes with it.) Since none of this is an exact science (they are, afterall, only "practicing" medicine), we'll continue this chemo and then do a CT scan after 4 or 6 cycles to see what has happened.

Later in the conversation, I mentioned that he was well thought of among the people at the Colondar shoot. The first thing he said about the Colondar group is that "they are a remarkable group of people." I mentioned how the people I met there have helped inspire me to continue to play softball through my treatments. He continued, "Oh, and you are another remarkable one. We can't slow you down." It's nice to be associated with that group, now. :'-) He also said he has a spot for the calendar in his office.

Btw, speaking of softball...I have not lost a game since returning from neck surgery. I'm 7-0 with one no-decision. Think I can keep that going all year???

It's a new world for me...

Two months ago, I met a girl online and did my usual confession of being on chemo. I was a little startled with her reply that she was also on chemo. She doesn't have one of the mainstream cancers (breast, colon, lung, etc.), so I cannot remember what it's called. Since she lives about an hour away, we have only met up a few times. She goes to Johns' Hopkins for her chemo embolizations to her liver.

I hadn't heard from her in over a week (which is not unusual.) Last night, I got a text from her. It turns out that during her 2nd embolization, she went into cardiac arrest (age 43). Now she is in Little Rock getting vaccinations and radiation.

Earlier in the day, I received an email about an upcoming wake for a girl (age ~22) who was in my survivor running group. She decided on Hospice and a day later passed.

It used to be that I would just "wake" up in the morning and maybe later do some "cardio" at the gym. I was ignorant to everything going on around me. Now that I have ties to it, I'm front and center to all of it. I don't want to be, but there is no choice any more.