Pick an emotion and I have it.

Today was supposed to be a chemo treatment. I met with my oncologist and we went over my side-effects (extreme fatigue mostly). We then talked.

Five years ago when people had colon cancer with mets to the liver, they would do three months of chemo, have surgery and then do 12 more months of chemo. A study later showed that only doing six months of chemo after surgery prevented reoccurance just as well. Studies are now showing that four months is the same, too. That's where I'm at...four month of chemo after surgery.

Because of my fatigue and my lower bone marrow counts (mine are 100-150 and should be 215...50 is dangerous) we are stopping chemo now. The numbers will come back up. So, I'm done with chemo infusions! That's the happy part! I'm crying because I'm happy.

I have two choices, now. There is a clinical trial for a vaccination shot that I would do every week or two where they would shoot a protein into me. It bonds with my cells and boosts my immune system to fight cancer cells. If I am eligible for that, I'm going to do it. I might not be eligible because I also have Crohn's Disease. If I can't do it, we will start pill form of chemotherapy. I'd be on that for two years. Neither of these avenues have long-term study results. That's the scary part! I'm crying because I'm also scared.

My mind is trying to think about all this and it's almost too much to handle. There are no percentages to go by. That could be good or bad depending how you look at it. They told me back in February that they couldn't do anything for me and I didn't listen too well to that.

"Never tell me the odds." -- Han Solo